Well, not quite all uppercase bam, but it makes for a more dramatic title, so why not. All of a sudden tonight I was hit by a really heavy bout of questioning and doubt. Is this really right? Can’t I just ignore this? I’ll never succeed. I don’t know quite how I got past it, but I did. In the past, those episodes were always the point of my going back to my cave, but this time I think I’ll make it through.
For some reason, the mantra of the Heart Sutra always helps me get through periods of doubt. “Gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā.” It’s not quite the typical use of the mantra, but for it always comes to mind and helps me. I think it has something to do with the sense of complete awakening.
Filed under: Journal, buddhism, heart sutra, mtf transition, transgender, transsexual