As I discussed in the next post, I want to go through answering the questions on the “transsexual.org “Informal Gender Identity Self Discovery Provocateur.” I will be answering each of these questions with one post. There may be a few other unrelated posts in between and I may not answer them all, but we’ll see how it goes.
The first question is: Do I express femininity MORE for freedom of being, or for the pleasure I feel?
The answer for this question isn’t clear cut and the question itself is ambiguous. By pleasure does the question mean sexual pleasure or mental pleasure? I had to think about this question for a while because I had to really think through which was more.
I’ll start with sexual pleasure. I’ve definitely felt sexual pleasure dressing up. I enjoy the pleasure of being the pursued (rather than the pursuer) in a relationship. I enjoy imagining and fantasizing that I am the beloved rather than the lover (I know these scenarios both fit into a rather old and traditional scheme of the way the world works, but humor me for a minute.) In these respects I certainly express femininity for pleasure. I don’t think; however, that this is what defines my expression.
I also gain mental pleasure from expressing femininity. In a way, I enjoy the thrill of dressing up just because it is “forbidden” in the role I am in. But while this can have a thrill associated with it, it also makes me want to express myself openly more. That leads us (sort of) to the third option.
Freedom of being is a fairly loaded phrase, but I think I comprehend what is meant in the question. I enjoy being me. The more I think about it, the more I identify with this aspect of the question. I do enjoy the pleasure I feel from expressing femininity, but I think I express myself as such more so because it is who I am. I would say even my men’s clothing expresses my femininity (this often ends up with often being misconstrued as gay which isn’t a huge deal, but it is inaccurate.) My favorite clothing is much more feminine in nature than masculine. I choose clothing like this because it resonates with me. While I’m not out to the world yet, I have no problem pushing towards femininity rather than embracing the traditional masculine mold. Dress is of course only one way of expressing femininity, but it is also in a way the most obvious expression of such.
I expected to ramble on about this a bit more, but it seems that I’ve run out of things to say. This is an interesting question, though, so I think I will probably revisit it later. To answer the question in a short answer, I express femininity more for the freedom of being who I am than for pleasure, though I certainly do it for pleasure as well.
Thoughts? Do I make any sense to other people or am I just rambling incessantly?
Filed under: Gender Identity, Thoughts, femininity, gender, identity, transgender, transsexual
