Is This Progress?

One step forward, two steps backwards. I thought for a few weeks that maybe I didn’t need to transition and that I could just find fulfillment in who I am currently (internally and externally), but I’m not sure that that scenario will work after all.

Of course this has happened before, but in the past I always ran away rejecting who I really was. This time I was still embracing who I was but trying to make the impedance between inner and outer match. Most of the time I do alright, but there are times every day here there’s just an intense desire for the two to match.

Circles, circles, and more circles. That is my life. I feel like I never get anywhere. I guess I probably have a few more years left in my life to figure it all out, though.

National Novel Writing Month

Posts have been sparse here for November. Some of that is because I always have trouble keeping up with writing a blog, but a larger part was that I was participating in National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word first draft of a novel in the month of November (or any other month; November is just the official month.) I didn’t know if I would be able to do it, but I did. I finished last night just over 50,000 words.

It was fun. I enjoy writing, but don’t do it nearly enough. It was a stretch for me as I’ve never written a novel before–only essays and short stories. I suppose the genre would be considered philosophical fiction. Everything I write tends to end up philosophical. Anyway, I’ll be taking a break from that now and in a few weeks I’ll start the job of editing it and making it perfect.

In the meantime, I figured I would write an update here. Things are going slow. Talking with a therapist is helping I think, but we end up talking about other subjects just as much as we do this issue it seems. Everything seem to have settled down a bit. When I started this blog, there was a sense of urgency, but now there isn’t so much. The sense comes and goes with me. I just have to make sure to keep moving now.

Well, that’s my update. I’ll try to post on here more often from here on out.