And

I am still alive.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Litany Against Fear

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
-Dune: Litany Against Fear

Filed under: Thoughts

[long pause]

Hmmm. It’s been a long time (over a year!) since I posted here last. I’m a horrible blogger. And then I get distracted. At least no one read this blog to start with so there’s no disappointment.

It’s been a whole year and I’ve my zero progress. I guess I got caught up in some other things and then doubt and then just got lost for a spell. The crux of it is, I don’t know what I want. Well, I know what I want, but I have trouble connecting the dots. There are too many variables and I can’t seem to find a synthesis of them that fits in any long term scheme.

I need to meditate more. I’ve felt for the past couple of years that something was right there, just out of my reach. I don’t know what it is, but it seems to be something transformative. It might just be nothing. I’ve tried (and not tried) to get there, but there is a wall in the way.

I did discover American Apparel this year and have completely fallen in love. I’ve already spent way too much money there and will probably continue the trend for a while.

Anyway, it’s getting late and I have some things to do. Writing this post has been nice, though. I feel like I need to get some words out on “paper.”

Filed under: Gender Identity, Journal , identity, mtf transition, transgender, transition, transsexual

A Whole Month?

I can’t believe a whole month has gone by since my last post here. Time flies by sometimes. So much for taking action- I’m still roughly in about the same place, though a little more defined. Let’s see what this month brings.

Filed under: Thoughts